The Chibi Adventures of Vash
by topothegreat
Summary: The everyday adventures of Vash they didn't want you to see! Very short chapters.
1. A Cry from the Elevator

The Chibi Adventures of Vash the Stampede  
  
By: Topothegreat  
  
Adventure #1: A Cry from the Elevator  
  
It was a fine day. Yes, a fine day. The sun was shining brightly in the clear blue sky as the squirrels and other cute furry things scampered and played in the fresh afternoon air. All seemed peaceful and perfect except for one. The one named Vash. Vash, at this very perfect moment, was unfortunately locked in an elevator located at the center of the head quarters of the largest donut chain in the world, McDonut's. He had been so very excited about his tour of this historic building but had gotten so wrapped up in looking at the biggest donut in the world that he got separated from his tour group.  
  
"Huh? Where did they go?" Vash shielded his eyes seaching every corner of the big donut's sanctuary but in vain. He walked over to a sign on the wall near an elevator door.  
  
"15th floor customer assistance," he read. "Hey! I'm a customer! And I need assistance! And there's an elevator right here!" He ran happily into the elevator and heartily pressed the 15 button. "I'll be back with my tour group in no time! Hopefully I'll get there in time to taste McDonut's brand new donut, The Sugar Sugar Donut!" The elevator gave a jerk and began to pull upward. "Maybe McDonut will come out of his office, see me, and like me sooo much that'll he'll give me a life time's supply of donuts!!!" The elevator suddenly gave a lurch and came to a stop. "Huh? What's going on?" Vash looked around the little compartment as the lights flickered. Vash ran to the button pad and began pressing and banging on the buttons. "It's stuck! How am I supposed to get my donuts?!" Vash then began to vigarously kick at his cell walls to no avail. Realizing that kicking was doing no good, he sank against the back wall in defeat.  
  
Vash sat there for a good 15 minutes before spotting a phone on the wall above the button pad. "Hey! That phone says call for emergency assistence!" He leapt up and grabbed the phone. "Hello?! Hello?! Anyone?!"  
  
"Hello?" Responded a woman's voice.  
  
"I'm stuck in this elevator and I'm really hungry. I was with this tour who said they'd give me free donuts so could you help me maybe get out of here?" Vash said anxiously.  
  
"Well, let me call the elevator repair man. His name is Vern. His wife just had a kid. A little boy! He's sooo adorable, with that cute little nose and those big brown eyes-"  
  
"Yes, yes. I'm sure but I am in need of some assistance in here!" Vash cried impatiently.  
  
"Alright. Hold your horses. Let me call Vern. It'll take about 15 minutes for him to get here so just sit and wait," the operator said angrily and hung up. Vash once again sunk to the floor.  
  
It was more than a 15 minute wait for this Vern and it was growing very stuffy in the elevator. Vash had taken off his coat in hopes of cooling off a bit. "No one's here so it's okay..." The phone rang. Vash jumped on it. "Hello?!" he screamed.  
  
"Hey. I can hear ya just fine. Ya don't have to scream, ya know," said a gruff voice on the other end.  
  
"Are you Vern?" Vash asked, his eyes tearing.  
  
"The one and only. Listen I gotta get to work if I'm gonna get ya out of here anytime soon so let me get started." Vash, whimpering and speechless, simply hung up the phone.  
  
An hour went by with Vash staring at the door hopefully. The phone again broke the silence. "Hello? Vern?" Vash asked in tears.  
  
"Yeah, yeah. It's me. Listen. I'm almost through. Seems the thing that should be hooked up to this thing on the left here that balanced it out isn't hooked up to anything at all, so I need just 15 more minutes. Think you can wait?" Vash again whimpered and hung up.  
  
15 minutes later the elevator once again gave a lurch and began to move. The elevator finally came to a stop at the 15th floor and the doors easily slid open to reveal a burly man in overalls beside a big red toolbox. Vash began to tear up and whimper again. Vern stared at him. "Well...Uh ...Nice to meet you. I'm Vern." Vern stuck out his hand for Vash to shake. Vash sniffled a bit, then suddenly lunged and began to bear hug Vern.  
  
"I was locked in there for sooo long! I thought I was gonna die! I was sooo hungry!!!" Vash swung Vern from side to side. Vern grimaced.  
  
"With this strength I don't see why you didn't just kick the door open and climb out." Vern gasped. Vash stopped.  
  
"You're right." Vash dropped Vern at the sound of his stomach rumbling. "I'm very grateful to ya Vern but I have a date with a donut! See ya!" Vash began to walk off but stopped in his tracks. "Oh no." Vern stared at him. Vash whirled around and ran straight back into the elevator screaming, "I forgot my coat!" Just as Vash entered, the door slammed shut and the elevator began to plummit 15 stories down.  
  
~Next time on The Chibi Adventures of Vash~  
  
Stuck again? But what about his donuts? Will Vash ever get out of that elevator? Check in next time with Adventure #2: Trapped Again!  
  
---Note from the "author"--- I'm sorry you read this story. 


	2. Trapped Again!

The Chibi Adventures of Vash  
  
By: Topothegreat  
  
Adventure #2: Trapped Again!  
  
We find our hero once again trapped in that stuffy elevator at the center of McDonut's headquarters awaiting his freedom. Vern, the elevator repair man who has just had a beautiful baby boy, has been working non-stop to free Vash from his mobile prison cell.  
  
"Well that's great. The doors are stuck," Vern said, annoyed with the fact the Vash was stuck again.  
  
"But my donuts...," whimpered Vash from behind the door.  
  
"Well. You're donuts are just gonna have to wait 'til I can get these darn doors unstuck." Vern said trying to pull the metal doors apart. The phone above the button pad began to ring.  
  
"Hello?" Vash's voice squeaked.  
  
"Well, hi there. How are things going in there?" Vash recognized the voice to be the operator's from before. Vash gave a loud sniffle.  
  
"Umm...Okay...Listen. Don't worry. Vern'll have you out again in no time. He's the best! And for being such a sport, my manager has offered to give you a dozen free donuts!" Sang the operator happily.  
  
"What kind? I love all kinds but I really had my heart set on Mcdonut's new flavor The Sugar Sugar donut and I've been waiting for weeks and weeks for this tour, which I had to skimp and save and sacrifice for-"  
  
"Alright, alright. I get it. Well, it's time for me to go home so I'll just leave the donuts on the office desk outside the elevator door. Just pick 'em up and be on your way!" The operator said happily and hung up. Vash stood with the phone in his hand for some time after realizing just how close but out of reach his donuts were.  
  
"Hey, guy." Vern called from the outside. Vash gave a whimper. "Do you think you could use that awsome strength to pull these doors open and get yourself out. It's gettin kinda late..." Vern trailed off.  
  
"Huh? Oh sure." Vash pushed his fingers between the elevator doors and pushed out. The doors went flying open, without a scrape, to reveal Vern, astonished, standing on the other side. "How's that, Vern?"  
  
"Just great. So, uh... Shirley said she left something on the desk for ya over there. I'd better be getting home to my wife. We just-"  
  
"I know, I know. You just had a beautiful baby boy. Well...." Vash sniffed. "I guess I'll be seeing you Vern..." Vash hid his head in his hands.  
  
"Uh... Yeah... Sure. I guess. Nice meetin' ya, guy." Vern scratched the back of his head. Vash's shoulders shook as he hid his face from Vern. Vash suddenly once again leapt on vern, giving the burly man a huge bear hug. "Alright! Alright! Lemme go!" Vash dropped him. "Okay. Got your coat?" Vash nodded. "Are you sure you didn't leave anything else in the elevator?" Vash shook his head. "Alright, good. Now go pick up your donuts and we'll both be on our way." Vash nodded again and walked off towards the desk to pick up his box of donuts. Vern lead Vash from the stone building out onto the sidewalk, and in the setting sun, Vash watched his savior walk into the horizon and dissappear into the city crowd.  
  
~Next time on The Chibi Adventures of Vash~  
  
A sweet little girl. A lost balloon. Will Vash survive chasing down this air filled fugitive? Check in next time for Adventure #3: Come Back Here You Dastardly Balloon!  
  
---Note from the "author"--- What? You read the second chapter? I'm so sorry... 


	3. Come Back Here You Dasterdly Balloon!

The Chibi Adventures of Vash  
  
By: Topothegreat  
  
Adventure #3: Come Back Here You Dasterdly Balloon!  
  
Welcome back to our story where once again we find that the day is beautiful with the sun shining and puffy white clouds gently float in the blue sky. Only this time, our hero, Vash, is here to see it. After being locked in the elevator all day he had grown quite tired of small confined spaces. So he decided a walk in the park was an ideal event for this glorious day.  
  
Vash tood a deep breath of fresh air as he strolled down the sidewalk at his local city park. The birds tweeted, the squirrels scampered, and children laughed happily as they hid in small spaces from the others. He carried a large white box in his arms which he held close to his being. He reached in and pulled out a donut like no other donut. "Mmmm...Sugar Sugar Donut...I think I'm in love with you." He whispered as an old man walked by pretending not to hear him. Vash hid his donut from the intruder's eyes until the old man was a few feet in the opposite direction. He took it back out and took a huge bite making the donut half gone. "Mmmm..." Just then something hit Vash's leg with a thud causing the unsuspecting Vash to lose balance and fall. "Aaah!" He sat up rubbing his backside. "What was that?? My donuts!!" Vash whirled left and right searching for the lost box. He found it on his right, the donuts perfectly in tact. Vash layed his hand on his chest, "Thank goodness you're alright."  
  
"Yeah...I'm alright." Vash's eyes popped. He scooted closer to his donuts and turned to see a small child with big brown eyes rubbing her face.  
  
"I wasn't talking to you." Vash scooted closer to his donuts again. Children liked sweets and if this one thought that by running into him, he would give her some, she was soooo very wrong. The girl looked up surprised.  
  
"Then who were ya talking to?"  
  
"Forget it kid!" Vash huddled over his donuts.  
  
"Huh? Forget what? Oh no! My balloon!" The girl gasped putting her hands over her mouth. "Where is it? There it is!" She pointed to the tree beside them where a round red balloon sat tangled in it's branches. "I'll never get it down..." She began to sniffle. Vash glared. She sniffed. Vash glared. She sniffed harder and rubbed her eyes vigorously. Vash glared. She looked up and glared right back. "Well?" She asked.  
  
"Well what?" Vash responded.  
  
"Aren't you gonna off to help me get my balloon back?" The child questioned.  
  
"Why? So you can eat my donuts?!" Vash accused.  
  
"I don't want your donuts, you wierdo! I just want my balloon. You're a grown up! You're supposed to help helpless little kids like me!" She shouted. Vash thought a minute.  
  
"Alright... But watch my donuts. Don't eat my donuts. Don't touch them.... Don't breathe on them." Vash made his eyes into little slits.  
  
"Whatever. Just save my balloon." Vash stood up slowly and headed for the tree.  
  
"Save my balloon, Mr. Grown-Up. It's your job, Mr. Grown-Up." Vash mocked under his breath as he stared up into the branches of the tree towards the balloon. "Now how am I supposed to get that? It's way up there! I may be tall, but I would have to fly to reach that!" Vash complained.  
  
"You don't have to fly, half wit. Just climb, duh." The girl said from behind him.  
  
"Hey, hey! Who's the grown-up here? Watch my donuts!" Vash called to her. He grabbed a low branch and began to pull himself up. Branch by branch, Vash climbed his way to the balloon slipping every now and then on an akward branch. "Well, well, well... I see you have no place to go Mr. Balloon. It's time to take you in." Vash grinned and reached for red sphere. Just then his foot slipped again and dislodged the balloon causing it to start to float away. "Oh no you don't! Come back here you dasterdly balloon!" Vash climbed out onto the branch and reached for the balloon but was unable to reach it. He then jumped from the branch and onto the balloon. "Ha!" And then he fell, hitting the ground with a great thud.  
  
"Thank you Mr.! Thank you very much!" the girl said happily taking the ballon and skipping off. Vash lay there, alittle more flat than he was 5 minutes ago. A dog came up and sniffed at the white box. "Don't touch my donuts." Vash mumbled from the pavement. The dog looked up and walked off.  
  
~Next time on The Chibi Adventures of Vash~  
  
It's hot. Vash gets really, really thirsty. But his apartment doesn't have running water! Will Vash find something to drink before it's too late? Tune in next time for Adventure #4: Just Checking  
  
---Note from the "author"---zzzzz O_O.... Oh uh sorry _... 


	4. Just Checking

The Adventures of Chibi Vash  
  
By: Topothegreat  
  
Adventure #4: Just Checking  
  
This day was not a beautiful day. No. This day was a scorcher. The sun was out trying it's best to burn everything to a crisp as rowdy teenagers cooked eggs on the burning sidewalk. Our hero, as strong and brave as he may be, was unable to withstand the heat. He lay in his dark apartment in nothing but navy trunks sweating to death on his living room floor. "I'm gonna sweat to death on my living room floor and no one will ever find me..." Vash stated bluntly. The clock on the wall, which never had the right time, ticked away the long minutes as the sun grew brighter and brighter. "I'm so thirsty..." Vash said hoarsly swallowing to ease his dry throat. He pushed down with his hands and finally made it to his feet steadying himself against the wall. He slowly made his way to the kitchen where he found a glass to drink out of. He stumbled to the sink and turned the water on. "What the?" Sadly, no water came from the spout. He stared. A knock came from his front door.  
  
"Hey, Vash! The city's having a bit of trouble with this drought. They say we won't have water for another couple of hours!" Vash's landlord shouted through his door. Vash wheezed and fell to the floor.  
  
"Ah man...I can't die here." He pulled himself up once again and walked to the refridgerator. "There has to be something here..." He pulled open the door and searched inside. Nothing but peanut butter and pickles, both of which were down to the bottom of their containers. Vash took a deep breath and picked up the pickle jar. He unscrewed the lid and carefully tilted it over his mouth. A pickle came flying out and bounced off his head and onto the floor. But the prize was but one drop of juice which evaporated before reaching his tongue. He let the jar fall to the floor to join it's friend and walked back into the living room. "Maybe if I take a nap...I won't be so thirsty..." Vash fell onto his couch and closed his eyes tightly trying to ignore his parched throat.  
  
He fell asleep but started to wake when a burning sensation started on his arm. He opened his heavy eyes and looked at his arm. The afternoon sun had crept in and was now burning a hole in his arm. Vash's eyes popped out. "OOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWW!!!!!!" He jumped up and swung his arm around trying to deaden the pain. "Why did they have to make the sun so hot?! Why couldn't they just use a big light bulb?!" He sat down hard on the floor and glared at the sun rays. "Back, evil. Begone!" He shouted. "I said begone!" Vash grabbed the broom that was leaning up against the wall and began to beat the floor vigorously where the sun touched it. "Never! Neeeeeeeever!!!" The broom suddenly burst into flames. "AAAAAAAAAAAah!" Vash ran back and forth in his living room waving is home-made torch. He stopped, looked left and right, then darted to the door. He swung it open and tossed the broom outside.  
  
An hour later he was again laying on the living room floor. "If I don't do something...I will die here... In a room as poorly decorated as this...." His head turned, as if called to do so, to the one room that could save his life. He pulled himself up onto his hands and knees and began to slowly crawl towards the door. Once inside he saw, just a few feet away, a pool of life giving water. He crawled unsteadily to the pool and dipped his head in. All at once he felt his strength returning. Cool life giving water...  
  
"Hey! Hey, Vash! Where are ya?" The landlord walked into Vash's open door and into his empty living room. Seeing a door open to his right he walked in and found his tenant with his head in the toilette bowl. "Um...The water's back on."  
  
~Next time on The Chibi Adventures of Vash~  
  
Topo: Huh?  
  
Vash: What?  
  
Topo: _  
  
Vash: _  
  
Tune in next time for Adventure #5: ...  
  
---Note from the "author"--- O_O wha? who? Who are you people?! Get outta my house! 


	5. 

The Chibi Adventures of Vash  
  
By: Topothegreat  
  
Adventure #5: ...  
  
"No, seriously. That's how you play." I say as I hunch over my Gameboy Advance which is currently being held by Vash.  
  
"Gah! But why does it have to be played like this?" Vash whines.  
  
"Because it's Chu Chu Rocket! You have to get the mice to the spaceship and not get eaten by the cats." I explain.  
  
"But then what will the cats eat? Nothing! They'll starve!"  
  
"What are ya gonna do? Sacrifice the mouse so the cat will live?"  
  
"I want to save them both..." Vash says in a soft tone.  
  
"Vash you can't save them both...One will have to die so the other can live..." I explain softly.  
  
"But the mice...They have the technology of spaceships to get them off that forsaken planet... If they just shared it with the cats I'm sure..."  
  
"No, Vash. That can never be. You see... That's not how you play." Vash looks up with tears in his eyes and begins to whimper.  
  
"Uh...Uh... I know! Let's play a different game! Hmm..." I look around the living room. "Ah-ha! Let's play scribble!" I shout happily collecting some paper and crayons from a box.  
  
"How do you play that?" Vash asks drying his eyes.  
  
"Well...You take these crayons and you draw on this paper here. And when you're finished we can show each other our pictures. How does that sound?" I ask hopefully.  
  
"Hmm... Sounds fun." Vash takes the crayons and paper and gets to work. I also begin my drawing of a frog with slitted eyes glaring at the world. I soon become aware that I had become very thirsty.  
  
"Hey, Vash." Vash nods. "I'm thirsty. I'm gonna get a drink. Be right back." Vash nods again concentrating on his picture. I enter the kitchen, poured me some juice and plopped a few ice cubes in. I return to find the scene a little different than it was when I had left. "Vash! Vash! What happened here?! Where are you?" I hear a faint sound from my sister's room. I approach the door slowly. "Vash?" I find Vash there sitting beside the doorway in front of the closet. "Vash! What have you done?!" Vash is hunched over my sister's Eva Unit 001 model which now has red crayon streaks all over it.  
  
"I think I got a little carried away with this scribble game." Vash smiles weakly.  
  
"Oh man..." I bend down to pick up the model.  
  
"Can we save it?" Vash whispers.  
  
"No. It's too late." I reply softly.  
  
"What are we gonna do?"  
  
"The only thing we can do... Hide." I begin to shove him into the dark closet.  
  
"W-wait! It's dark in here! Can't we turn on the light or something?" Vash squeals in protest.  
  
"Nooo. Then she'll know where to look!" I finish pushing him in and pick up the model.  
  
"Where are you going?" Vash asks, his voice quivering.  
  
"I've got a defaced Eva to hide and short people to blame for it." I turn and run through the house to my brothers room where I toss the box on the bed and half cover it with a blanket. I run back and throw myself in the closet slamming the door behind me. Something hits me hard on the head. "Ow Vash! Your elbow just hit me in the head!!!"  
  
"Sorry! There's not alot of room in here! Maybe if there were less boxes...," Vash complains pushing a box with his foot. "I don't see why we can't just tell her what happened..." A scream of fury echos through the house chilling us to the bone. We grow silent as the screaming repeats at the other side of the house. We hear banging and choking noises and scratching at the walls. Neither of us can even breathe, our breath scared to make a noise coming out.  
  
We stayed that way for hours it seemed until the screaming had died down and seemed calm. I carefully open the door listening intently. I creep out peering into the living room where my sister sits calmly playing the playstation. Vash appears beside me looking as frightened as ever. My sister turns around and Vash ducks back inside. "Hey, Topo." She returns to her game.  
  
~Next time on The Chibi Adventures of Vash~  
  
Vash's worst nightmare comes to life as he encounters a donut that can not only think but it also bites back! Tune in next time for Adventure #6: Attack of the Some What Violent Donut!  
  
---Note from the "author"--- Sadly, one of my little brothers were never seen again. I dunno. Might be Eli. I can't really tell them apart. 


	6. The Some What Violent Donut

The Chibi Adventures of Vash  
  
By: topothegreat  
  
Adventure #6: The Some What Violent Donut  
  
Vash lay in his bed way into the afternoon. Why get up? There was nothing to do. "Aaaaaaaaaaaah!" Vash's eys popped out of his head. He scrambled out of bed and over to the window, his sheet still tangled around his ankle. Down below people ran screaming and cars crashed into street poles.  
  
"What is this? What's going on?" Just then something crashed down the street following the frantic people. Vash's eyes filled with recognition. "It's the giant donut from McDonut's!" The donut rolled down the street nearly squishing the slow people. "Why donut?! Why?! You were the biggest and the best! Why rampage?!" Vash cried out. The donut stopped. It turned towards Vash's window.  
  
"Vash? Vash is that you?" The donut asked.  
  
"Yes! It's I... It's me!" Vash leaned out the window so the donut could see him better.  
  
"Oh Vash..." The donut whispered. "I've missed you so."  
  
"Oh giant donut of my dreams... Why are you rampaging all over my city?"  
  
"You don't understand! This is the only way!" The donut turned away.  
  
"What do you mean, Giant Donut?" Vash asked sympathetically.  
  
"Vash... You know our love could never be. You're human...and I'm a some what violent donut..." Vash stared. "It's just that... Well... I've found another." Vash blinked.  
  
"You have?" Vash asked surprised.  
  
"Yes... His name is.... His name is..." Just then something else came crashing down the other side of the street.  
  
"Giant Donut! What are you doing?" The donut whirled around to face the intruder.  
  
"Giant Jar of Jelly! What... What are you doing here?" The donut squeaked. The Giant Jar of Jelly looked around at the destruction the donut had reaked.  
  
"Donut! Why are you destroying the city?" The donut hid her face.  
  
"I... I ... I wanted you to pay attention to me... You never have before... You just sat there... I saw you... The biggest jar of jelly in the world... And I guess I fell in love with you..." The donut shook with it's sobs.  
  
"I had no idea..." The jar lowered it's eys. "But Donut. This isn't the way. If you had just come up to me and told me how you felt I would have listened." The jar soothed.  
  
"Would you have?" The donut cried out in disbelief.  
  
"Yes. Yes because I feel the same way about you..." The jar blushed. The donut turned slowly to face the huge container.  
  
"Oh Jelly!" The donut cried and fell into the jar's arms.  
  
"Oh Donut." The jar sqeezed it tightly. The donut spoke.  
  
"I'll love you forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever..." Vash got up and went to the kitchen. He opened the fridge and took out his last remaining pickle. He returned to the window chompping. "...and ever and ever and ever..." The sun began to set. "...and ever and ever and ever..." People in the streets were either asleep or puking. "...and ever and ever and ever-" A cry for all in the entire city at the same exact time came forth.  
  
"Alright already!"  
  
~Next time on The Chibi Adventures of Vash~  
  
Vash is confronted by an evil alien from space who is seeking to destroy Vash! Will Vash beable to vanquish this new enemy? Tune in next time for Adventure #7: Vash! You heathen!  
  
---Note from the "author"---GAh! I'm so friggin' hungry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


	7. Vash! You Heathen!

The Chibi Adventures of Vash  
  
By: topothegreat  
  
Adventure #7: Vash! You Heathen!  
  
Vash sighed as he stared out his window into the rainy night. The falling drops pounded on his window and Vash's head kept falling off his proped up hand. It was getting kind of late, and the rain was very soothing. Vash allowed his eyes to close and his breathing to slow. A bright flash. "What the?!" Vash sat straight up and looked out his window. A bright white streak fell from the sky and behind the hills. "What was that?" Vash left his building and wandered through the city and over the hills. He was led to a small stretch of beach that seemed untouched by the citizens of the city. As he scanned the sand his eyes found a strange smoking orb. He approached it carefully. It was black and shiny and still smoking from entering the atmosphere. He scooted closer. The orb slowly spun around so that Vash could see a white circle which surrounded a black eight. "An eight ball?!"  
  
"Correction." Vash fell on his butt and scooted back frantically. The circle began to glow and another small orb exited. Vash's mouth dropped. The orb floated to the ground. It began to melt and then shift into odd shapes finally deciding on a humanoid shape with large eyes, grey skin, and a small body. Vash stared. Then he began to laugh insanely. The creature grew angry. "What? What are you laughing at, you inferior slug?!" Vash stopped long enough to see the small slit of a mouth in the alien's head move. Another hysterical bout of laughter. "#%$@#%$@^$^$%#@%" said the alien. "What is your name, mold?!" The alien shouted. Vash began to snort, tears running down his face. "GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!" The alien picked up his sphereical space ship and bounced it off of Vash's head knocking him out.  
  
Vash came to, now laying on a hard table in a grey circular room. A large head appeared above him. "What is your name?" Vash was too dazed to laugh.  
  
"Vash." he rubbed his pounding head.  
  
"Well, Vash. For your stupidity, you have granted yourself eternal torment. But... Before that. You will watch your precious planet burn! MWA HA HA HA!" Vash watched as the alien threw it's large head back to laugh. He wondered how it stayed attached to such a skinny neck. "Now! For the fun to begin!" The alien turned, walked to a large control panel in front of a large screen, and began to push buttons. The screen flickered on to show a fantastic view of Earth. "This is Earth. But soon... It will be nothing."  
  
"What does..." Vash rose from the table and traveled to the controls. "...this button do?" The alien gasped as Vash's finger pressed the small blue button down.  
  
"Vash! You heathen! What have you done?!" Vash stared stupidly. "That was the self destruct button!"  
  
"No it's not." Vash opposed. "Self destruct buttons are always red and say 'Do Not Push'. This one is blue and has no letters."  
  
"No they're not!"  
  
"Yes they are."  
  
"No they're not!"  
  
"Uh-huh."  
  
"Nu-uh!"  
  
"Uh-h-"  
  
"Self destruct has now been activated. Self destruct will be in 10, 9, 8..." said the computer. Vash and the alien screamed and scrambled for the door.  
  
"Get out of my way, mole!" The alien shoved at Vash who was too big to push. Vash shoved him aside and jumped out. Just as he hit the ground the ship blew up leaving a cloud of smoke lingering in the night sky.  
  
"I wonder... If he escaped..." Vash gazed at the stars. "Your memory is not lost dear alien bent on world annhilation. I will remember you always." A single tear ran down Vash's cheek.  
  
~Next time on The Chibi Adventures of Vash~  
  
Cookies are good but you also have to pay the consequences for eating them. Tune in next time for Adventure #8: Vash Sucks  
  
---Note from the "author"--- I need something to eat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


	8. Vash Sucks

The Chibi Adventures of Vash By: topothegreat  
  
Adventure #8: Vash Sucks  
  
"Yum yum yumyumyumyum..." Vash mumbled as he bit into a crunchy chocolate chip cookie. His neighbor had invited him over (after finding him hanging from the hall ceiling by a rope) and offered him a huge plate of freshly baked cookies.  
  
"Well, um... Vash was it? Um..." The middle-aged man tried to converse but found it difficult with Vash's mouth spilling over with baked treats. "I'm glad you like them..." Vash nodded, eyes wide and teary. The man sweat-dropped. "Well my name is Kreg. As you can see by the boxes, we've just moved here. How long have you been living here?" Vash thought a moment and then stood up.  
  
"I can't remember! Some evil force must be controlling my memory! Forcing me to forget everything; to stay confused and confined to this place! It has to be that old witch across the hall! She's been watching me..."  
  
"You mean the landlord's wife? I think she's okay..." Kreg scratched his head. Vash blinked and sat back down shoving some more cookies in his mouth. "Well... Like I was saying earlier. We've only lived here for about a week. Just me and my daughter. You may have seen her playing around here somewhere. She has this golden hair and big brown eyes... Looks just like her mother." Vash nearly choked. It couldn't be the same child! He remembered having two incounters with a child with that description. One time involved a run-away red balloon and the other... "Oh goodness... You seem to have made a little mess there." Vash looked down. Cookie crumbs covered the couch and his lap. "Oh. My daughter won't like this. She hates messes. She gets a little... bent out of shape..." A little bent out of shape? That girl was psycho! Vash knew from experience. Vash leaped from his seat and grabbed Kreg by his shirt.  
  
"Listen, man. If we don't get this cleaned up, we could both be killed..." Vash's eyes were wide and hysterical. Kreg soon noticed the truth in Vash's words.  
  
"Stay here. I'll go get the vacuum!" Kreg pushed away and bounded for the closet. He returned with a fairly new vacuum.  
  
"Hurry! Plug it in, man!" Vash screamed and pointed towards the outlet. Kreg ran with all he was worth. But just before he got there his foot hit the coffee table and he went down. "No, Kreg, no! Get up! You've got to get up!" Vash screamed. Kreg pushed himself up. He stretched his hand out, pushing the plug closer and closer to the outlet. He stretched and stretched, sweat pouring off his face. It didn't seem as if he was going to make it. "Kreg! Kreg! Just scoot closer to the plug!" Kreg blinked. He pushed out with his feet, causing his body to scoot closer to the wall. He stretched once more. The plug finally reached the outlet and he shoved. He heaved a great sigh. Vash turned on the vacuum and it roared, sucking up air. He pushed it down to the couch, swinging the nozzle of the hose back and forth sucking up the small crumbs.  
  
"Go Vash! Suck! Suck!" Kreg cheered from the other side of the room. Almost there. There was but one spot of crumbs left. "Faster, Vash!"  
  
"I'm sucking as fast as I can!" Vash wailed. He held his breath as the vacuum nozzle passed over the last spot. The last crumb was finally sucked up and Vash shut the vacuum off. Both men stood staring at the couch.  
  
"Vash. We have to put it up." Vash turned and nodded. Kreg wrapped the cord around the machine and shoved it back in the closet. Vacuum away, both sat back down. "So, Vash. How did you know my daughter was so... sensitive?" Vash lowered his head and closed his eyes.  
  
"It all started when............................. " * ~*~flashback~*~*  
  
~Next time on The Chibi Adventures of Vash~ Why Vash was hanging upside down from the ceiling in the first place. Tune in next time for Adventure #9: Flashbacks, Ropes, and Bats  
  
---Note from the "author"--- Kirika is staring at me! Stop! Don't point that thing at me! Take the poster down! Take the poster down! 


	9. Flashbacks, Ropes, and Bats

The Chibi Adventures of Vash  
By: topothegreat  
  
Adventure #9: Flashbacks, Ropes, and Bats  
  
It was a wonderful sunny day. Not too warm. Not too cool. Just right. The kind of day for a donut. Which is exactly what Vash thought. So he decided to take some time out of his busy schedule of doing nothing to walk to the corner store and grab some donuts.  
  
"Good afternoon, sir!" The clerk greeted him cheerfully upon entering. "What can I get for you this fine day?"  
  
"Two jelly-filled donuts, please."Vash thought a moment. "Nah. You'd better make that 26."  
  
"A wonderful choice, sir!" The clerk wistled happily while gathering the pastries. He placed them carefully in a box and handed it to Vash. "There you go, fine sir! And have a wonderful day!" Vash nodded and was on his way. The birds chirped outside and the squirrels scurried about after eachother among the trees. All seemed to be right with the world. He flung open the fronts door to his apartment building.  
  
"May I have a donut?" Vash froze upon seeing the big brown-eyed little girl.  
  
"No. They're mine." Vash said greedily. Suddenly the girl pulled out a big bat and knocked Vash senseless. In one swift movement, she had him tied and hanging from the ceiling in the typical pinata way.  
  
BANG BANG BANG!!  
  
~Next time on The Chibi Adventures of Vash~ Vash finds out he has a horrible deadly disease! His only hope is to fine his real father. Come back next time for Adventure #10: Are you my daddy?  
  
---Note from the "author"--- It's cold. My fingers are freezing. What? WHAT? Stop it now! 


	10. Are you my daddy?

The Chibi Adventures of Vash  
By: topothegreat  
  
Adventure #10: Are you my daddy?  
  
"I... I... I feel like BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH." Vash crumpled to the street puking. A woman passing by pulled her starring child away. Vash grimaced as his stomach did twists and turns inside his abdomen. His head swam and the world spun round and round forcing him to fall on his back.  
  
He opened his heavy eyelids to see rectangular lights flashing by him. He squeezed his eyes shut to try to make sense of things. When he opened them, there was a still ceiling. He looked around to find himself in a small two person hospital room. "Whatcha in for?" Vash turned his head to his neighbor, an old black man. Vash shook his head trying to understand the situation. "Yeah I got that too. I got everything. Can't seem to keep myself outta here." The man leaned over and held out his hand. "My names Deus. But you can call me Deus." Vash shook his hand and nodded confused. What was the difference? A young doctor walked into the room followed by a young pretty nurse. "Mr. Vash?" asked the doctor. Vash nodded. "I'm afraid I have some... terrible news."  
  
"Eh?" Vash's eye twitched. The doctor made a glance at his nurse.  
  
"I'm afraid that... you're dying." he said seriously.  
  
"Oooh boy. You got it bad." Vash's neighbor chuckled.  
  
"D-d-d-dying?!" Vash shot up and gripped the doctor's white coat shaking him violently. "I can't die! I'm too pretty to die!!!"  
  
"Calm down." The doctor pushed Vash away. "There may be a cure. All you have to do is find your father."  
  
"My father?" Vash whimpered.  
  
"A simple transfusion will ride you of the disease." the doctor informed the sniveling man on the bed.  
  
"But... I don't have a father." Vash started craying.  
  
"Straighten up man!" the doctor gripped Vash's shoulders. "You have to patch things up with your only father! Remember: the love between father and son is everlasting. Now go get him." The doctor shoved Vash out the door.  
  
"Hey Doc. That was beautiful." the old man said.  
  
"Yes. I know. Oh by the way. You only have 3 hours to live."  
  
"Darn."  
  
Vash moped out of the hospital. "How am I supposed to find a father that doesn't exist." He raised his eyes to the street and watched the cars speed by. "So uncaring are they." he sniffled. He saw a small child skipping along the side walk singing merrily as if all the world were made of candy. He saw a small dog piddling on a man's leg. He saw a young boy standing at the corner with a sign about his neck. He had short black hair and was kinda scrawny. Vash walked over to him out of some pull of fate and read the boy's very neatly made sign. "Will be yo daddy for power."  
he read outloud. The boy starred at him. "Hey! If I paid you, would you be my daddy?!"  
  
"What?" the boy blinked. "Oh. Nah."  
  
"But... why?" Vash whined.  
  
"I said I'd be yo daddy for power. Not pocket change from some bum." the boy scoffed. Vash thought a moment.  
  
"I'll give you power. All the power you want." Vash claimed. The boy raised his brow.  
  
"Why exactly do you need me to be yo daddy?" he questioned.  
  
"I have a horrible disease that only a transfusion from my real dad will cure. The only problem is, I don't have a dad. So please PLEASE help me!" Vash begged.  
  
"Fine. But I don't do 'special' favors." the boy said. Vash starred at him for a moment then grabbed his hand and ran back to the hospital.   
  
"Dooooooooooooctoooooooooooooor!!" Vash glomped the doctor.   
  
"What is it man?" the doctor asked irritated.  
  
"I've got my daddy." Vash picked the boy up into the air by one arm.  
  
"That child doesn't look a day over 11." he pointed out.  
  
"I'll have you know I'm over 1000 years old." the child informed. The doctor looked annoyed for a moment.  
  
"Fine. Come on into the room." The doctor finally caved. Vash dragged the child into the room and sat him down. The doctor got them ready for the transfusion. "And what did you say your name was?" he asked the boy.   
  
"I am Ex-Hellmaster Fabrizo!"  
  
"I didn't know this was a crossover." Deus said.  
  
"Ex?" asked the doctor.  
  
"Yeah whatever. Just get on with the transfusion thing." Fabrizo moped. After a few minutes, the doctor announced the end of the procedure. "So where's that power you promised?" Fabrizo turned to Vash.  
  
"Uh... Um... Deus has it." Vash pushed Fabrizo towards the old man and ran.  
  
"This old man?" he snorted.  
  
"Child... Let me tell you about the wonders of Heaven. For I am God."  
  
  
~Next time on The Chibi Adventures of Vash~ Vash goes grocery shopping. Hey... Is that... Why, I think it is! It's Vash's old rival, Brussel Man! Tune in next time for Adventure #11: I hate brussel sprouts!  
  
---Note from the "author"--- I gotta potty!!!!!!!!!!! 


	11. I Hate Brussel Sprouts!

The Chibi Adventures of Vash  
By: topothegreat  
  
Adventure #11: I hate brussel sprouts!  
  
It was a beautiful uneventful day in Chibi Land and all was well. "OH NO!" Or possibly not. "Super Vash! Come quickly!" Screamed the little yellow sidekick. Super Vash, with all his speed and red trench coated glory, flew into the kitchen.  
  
"What ever is the matter, Little Yellow Side Kick?"  
  
"Super Vash!" Little yellow side kick whimpers. "There's no food in Re-Frig-Erator!"  
  
"No food in Re-Frig-Erator?! Impossible!" Vash in all his awsomeness, throws open the door to the beloved machine of the super hero and his little yellow side kick. "Why, Little Yellow Side Kick! There's no food in Re-Frig-Erator, our beloved machine!"  
  
"I know! What are we going to do?" trembled the little yellow side kick.  
  
"Fear not small one! For I have a brilliant plan!" our hero announced.  
  
"Take-out?" questioned the little yellow side kick.  
  
"No! I'm sure Dr. Proffessor Chou will give us some assisstance!"  
  
"But Super Vash... Dr. Proffessor Chou is on vacation..." the little yellow side kick said meekly.  
  
"Which is precisely why he won't mind us raiding his Re-Frig-Erator!" Super Vash's them music blares from the unseen cd player and our hero crashes through the llth story window and into the bright sky.  
  
Super Vash landed in Dr. Proffessor Chou's parking lot where he stored all of his varied cars. Vash searched many minutes for a spot to park his jet pack but could only find a spot in the very back 'causing our hero to spend another many minutes walking to the lab. Upon arrival, Super Vash slipped quietly into the automatic doors which made a wooshing sound that Super Vash loved so much he went in and out chuckling at the hilarity of the doors. Once that got old, he proceeded on the mission. Retrieving a rolling metal storage unit, he went up and down the lab. "It's strange that Dr. Proffessor Chou, in all his smartness, hasn't required a Re-Frig-Erator yet but instead keeps all is food out in the open for fellows such as myself to steal." Dr. Proffessor Chou had so many different types of food. Food in bags, food in boxes, food that pretended to be meat but wasn't. But this trip wasn't to be just another walk throught the park. It wasn't until Super Vash reached the produce aisle that he incountered someone he thought he'd never see again...  
  
"Well, well, well. I see it's Super Vash..." rang a shrill voice. Vash whirled around only to see a rather large brussel sprout with arms and legs who sported nikes on his very large feet. It was Brussel Man, Super Vash's archnemisis!  
  
"It's Brussel Man, my archnemisis!" Vash shouted.  
  
"Super Vash, watch out! He's got the Veggie Gun!" Shouted Little Yellow Side Kick (who had gotten there somehow but who the story didn't follow for obvious reasons *note the name). Brussel Man gave a bellowis typical bad guy laugh, told Super Vash of his plan to rule the world, then ate Little Yellow Side Kick. Fortunately, Brussel Man was allergic to Little Yellow Side Kick's lotion, choked on him, and died...for the fourth time.  
  
  
  
~Next time on The Chibi Adventures of Vash~ Well what else is there to do after a big meal except moan and fart (Vash fart? Naaaah.) Tune in next time for Adventure #12: Vash is full.  
  
---Note from the "author"--- DON'T READ THE NEXT CHAPTER 


	12. Vash is full

The Chibi Adventures of Vash  
By: topothegreat  
  
Adventure #12: Vash is full.  
(@!$^%# I told you not to read this! Great... now I have to type. If he farts, it's your fault!)  
  
After gathering as much food as the mobile metal storage unit would allow, Super Vash settled in his secret hiding place apartment thingy for a very large meal for two (him and his little yellow action figure guy).  
  
Super Vash, now too large for his pants, rolled out of his chair and passed out on the floor.   
  
Wolfwood entered in all his wonderful Wolfwoodness. "If there's any hot fangirls out there, give me a ring." He winks and his teeth gave a sparkly ping. Just as he exited he turned to give the readers a few last words. "This is for Lilun. Oh yeah. No fanboys." And he exited.  
  
  
~Next time on The Chibi Adventures of Vash~ Woooo good thing there was no farting. Luck you huh? Well anyway, next time, Vash faces his other but less known archnemisis, THE BLACK KITTY OF DOOOM. Tune in next time for The Chibi Adventures of Vash #13: Kitty no!  
  
---Note from the "author"--- cokechocolatecokechocolatecokechocolate 


	13. Kitty no!

The Chibi Adventures of Vash  
By: topothegreat  
  
Adventure #13: Kitty no!  
  
Today, we join the story just in time to see Super Vash hung from the cieling over a giant aquariam of goldfish. Who would be so cruel? Who would be so vile? Why, it's THE BLACK KITTY OF DOOOM!  
  
"You'll never get away with this, THE BLACK KITTY OF DOOOM!" Super Vash struggled against the rope.  
  
"I bet you're probably thinking that I'll never get away with this Super Vash." THE BLACK KITTY OF DOOOM chuckled. Super Vash starred confused.  
  
"Yeah... Yeah I just said that."  
  
"But! You are weak at the moment. With Little Yellow Sidekick eaten, and no Dr. Proffessor Chou, you are nothing!" THE BLACK KITTY OF DOOOM laughed maniacly. Super Vash glared.  
  
"Do your worst. I will not beg for mercy." he gritted his teeth.  
  
"I bet you think, no matter what I do, you won't beg for mercy." Pointed out THE BLACK KITTY OF DOOOM.  
  
"...naaaaaaaaaaaaah." Suddenly the north wall exploded and dust flew into the air. Once settled the two saw... nothing.  
  
"Hey! Hey! Down here!" piped a tiny voice. Vash looked towards the floor to find Little Yellow Action Figure Guy ready for a fight with the forces of evil. "Don't worry Super Vash! I'll save you! Your plan is spoiled THE BLACK KITTY OF DOOOM!"  
  
"What the? What blew up the wall?" said the oblivious THE BLACK KITTY OF DOOOM. Vash sweatdropped. He kicked his shoe and hit THE BLACK KITTY OF DOOOM in the head. He nodded towards the floor.  
  
"Little Yellow Action Figure Guy! I bet you think you're going to foil my plan and save Super Vash!" (lots of sweat drops).  
  
"I summon thee..." Little Yellow Action Figure Guy tossed a card into the air, " Action figure Eva Unit 01!" A crayoned eva unit appeared. Little Yellow Action Figure Guy jumped inside and made THE BLACK KITTY OF DOOOM his SLAVE KITTY OF SANDWICHES AND SHOES AND POSSIBLY BUT NOT OFTEN USED BUT NOT TO FORGOTTEN INCASE IT WILL NEVER BE REMEMBERED AND LOSSED FOREVER FIDDLE PLAYER.  
  
  
  
  
  
~Next time on The Chibi Adventures of Vash~   
  
Vash is a figurine thumbnailed to my wall. Tune in next time for The Chibi Adventures of Vash #14: Vash is a figurine thumbnailed to my wall.  
  
---Note from the "author"--- The electricity's out in my room. &^&%^^ the electricity's out in my room. KURUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! 


	14. Vash is a figurine stuck to my wall

The Chibi Adventures of Vash By: topothegreat

Adventure #14: Vash is a figurine thumbnailed to my wall

"Where am I?" Vash said hoarsely moving his aching joints. As he spoke, he inhaled dust causing him to go into a coughing spasm. Once the spasm subsided, he got a chance to look around. He was stuck. Stuck in a small brown room with no doors or windows. "Somebody! Anybody!" Nobody answered. He began to bang on the walls of his uknown prison. Much to his surprise, this caused the dust to fall off. He could now see that he was in a box covered in plastic! He banged some more as to get a better view of the outside world. It was still quite dark even with the dust removed. He called out until his voice was completely gone. Yet no one came. He had no idea where he was or how long he'd been there. Was this the fate of Vash the Stampede? To wither away in this case like a wilting flower?

No wait. That's not cool enough. He's friggin' Vash. No. He was going out like an old lion who had won his share of tough battles and scars! Hm. Better. But the lion also had a huge heiram of hot lionesses. With their long muscular four legs and whispy whiskers, they-... wait. That's just sick. Vash was a MAN. Not a beast! And this isn't a furry story! No!

He was going out like mob boss finally beaten by the system! Still cool and dangerous to the end. "I plead the 5th!" he shouted to his cold dark prison.

Or maybe he could be like the warrior who faught bravely for his one true love only to be critically wounded by a last chance sneak attack! And there he lay, bleeding and dieing, in the arms of his love. Vash sighed longingly.

Suddenly, the world burst into light, the dust flying. Vash peered from his dingy abode upon a dark shadow above him. "What? Who's there? Can't you see I'm trying to die in here?!"

"Vash? Is that you?!" A very familiar voice called to him.

"Who? Your voice is very familiar! Who are you?" Vash covered his eyes to try to get a better view of this mysterious black shadow. As his eyes adjusted to the light, the features began to come into focus. Familiar yet unfamiliar. "T...Topo?! Topo! You've come to save me! I knew you would come! I've waited these last 50 years for you. The lions said you'd never come. The mob boss said you were already dead! And the warrior said you'd gotten a part-time job at a burger joint."

"UUuuuh. K" Topo scratched her head. "Well, it hasn't been 50 years. It's been five. And I didn't really come to save you. I was just looking for something in storage and you just happened to be in this box."

Vash stared blankly trying to comprehend the news. Finally, his dusty mind came to a solution. "Topo! You've come to save me after these 50 years! The lions said-"

Topo sighed in irritation. "Ok. I'm closing the box again. See you in another 50 years..." Topo closed the box.

"NO Wait!" Vash called out. Topo thought a second, then re-opened the box reluctantly. "Don't you remember all the fun times we had?! The balloons, the donuts, Little Yellow Action Figure Guy, the eva unit?!"

"Vash. You were a figurine thumbnailed to my wall. We didn't have adventures. Just the fact that I am standing here talking to you is proof that I need psychiatric treatment. So, please stop talking and let me forget that these things ever happened." Vash's lips trembled as a giant tear rolled down his cheeks.

Topo stared at his snot bubble as she debated herself in her mind. Finally she sighed. "Fine! Let me go find the thumbnails..."

Next time on The Chibi Adventures of Vash

A sexy eva pilot. A murderous short thing. And NO THUMBNAILS! Tune in next time to the Chibi Adventures of Vash #15: Put down my sexy Eva pilot!

--Note from the "author"-- Wow! It's been years. 50? NO! 5!


End file.
